"Comedy Nation This Week" -February 3, 2012

Here's today's episode of "Comedy Nation This Week" with me, Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett and host Bill Bronner:

The Panel Discusses the GOP primary race, the SAG-AFTRA Merger, the Super Bowl and more.

Trippitorial: Racism

There’s a Newt in the Republican primary who thought this might be a good time to bring racism back to Southern electoral politics. Racism is a funny thing---not very funny. I mean, it's not a riot, although it can be. Black people don't like white people and white people don't like black people and nobody likes the Asians.

For years, in America, white men had all the good jobs and everyone else got what was left over. Now, after years of affirmative action, some white men feel they are being discriminated against and they're starting to say, "Hey, wait a minute. We are all equal."

Humans, despite their apparent racial and ethnic differences, all share the same basic genetic makeup. And it’s not from L’Oreal. That's not to say that Mexicans aren't lazy or that blacks don't have rhythm or that the Irish don't like to drink, it's just that in general, generalizations are wrong...except for that generalization.

The best scientific evidence we have is that everybody came from Africa. And the evidence shows we never should have left. You had everything you needed there. Sure, sometimes you ate and sometimes you were eaten, but those were the breaks. And if we all came from the same continent, then there's a good possibility that we're all from the same tribe of people---except for Newt Gingrich.

And if my ancestors are from Africa, that makes me, James Tripp, an African American, and I am one crazy Nigga. It’s okay; I can say that word. Of course, that’s no reason to say it, and that’s no reason for Newt Gingrich to imply it.

A lot of people respond to racism by becoming racist themselves. The answer to racism is not to be racist. The answer to racism is to find other reasons to hate people. What we should really do is find out what we hate about ourselves, and then we can hate other people for it.

Egyptians Protesting in Wisconsin

I haven’t been paying attention to the news lately, but apparently there are a bunch of Egyptians protesting in Wisconsin. I don’t know what they’re protesting about. Maybe Egyptians are lactose intolerant and they don’t like cheese. Maybe it’s the whole dairy industry they’re against.

I understand there are a lot of cows in Wisconsin. Maybe the Egyptians do not like cows. The Indians like cows, but they are not Egyptians. Maybe Egyptians don’t like the sound, “moo.”

Maybe the Egyptians are worried about global warming. I understand cows are a big part of that problem.

Maybe they’re fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers. The Pittsburgh Steelers seem like a team the Egyptians would like. Maybe they’re still sore about the Super Bowl.

I don’t know.

Someone said the Governor was acting like a dictator. They said he embezzled all the taxes and kept them for himself and his cronies. He even put some of it into a Swiss cheese account. Now there’s no money to pay the teachers.

That sounds like something that would happen in Egypt, not Wisconsin, even with a Republican governor, so I can understand why the Egyptians are there. They want to stop it before it spreads to their home, where you would think it should have started.

If you don’t have any teachers how are the kids gonna learn? There won’t be any one educated enough to grow up to protest, not even the Egyptians. Maybe that’s the Governor’s plan. Good plan.

The right have been trying to break unions for a while. First it was all those Tunisians that worked in Detroit. Not anymore. The government bailed out the car companies, but not until they busted the unions. That way there was more money for executive bonuses, which was a good thing.

I don’t have a car. But I helped bail out General Motors. I think I deserve a bonus. Luckily, I’m unemployed, so I probably won’t owe any taxes. That means you bailed out General Motors. Sucker.

Unions are very important. They keep workers from killing their bosses.

The wages of sin are not enough, so I’m organizing a union. It is going to be an old fashioned union with an organized way of dealing with management. I expect protesters momentarily, possibly from Bahrain.

I’m kind of glad the conservatives are breaking all the unions. It will just make the revolution come faster. Thomas Jefferson said every generation needs a revolution. Who cares what he said? He was not my favorite founding father.

People Are Revolting

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