I Will Not Be A Candidate for Governor of California

There are a lot of rumors flying around since Jerry Brown announced that he was running for Governor, some I didn’t even start. A lot of people are asking me what I’m going to do. The first thing I’m going to do is deny that I am a candidate for the office of Governor of California. Then I’m going to hold a press conference, but I won’t be taking any questions and there won’t be any press. Maybe I’ll just issue a statement. Maybe this is it.

Now, I don’t have a lot of money like some of the candidates in this race, but I do have a lot of hair unlike some of the other candidates in this race. Does that mean I’d be a great Governor? Maybe. I certainly wouldn’t be the worst thing that ever happened to Cal-i-fornia. Does that mean I should run? Maybe.

Recently, a group of individuals approached me when I was at the Grove to urge me to answer the call to run for Governor. My first reaction was to say no. It’s a good thing I knew they were going to ask me that question. The truth is I haven’t decided yet what I’m going to do.

While the office of the Governor of California is an attractive one and I do need a job, it is not the kind of race one enters without great deliberation. But ultimately, if it’s something the voters of California want me to do, then it will be something I must do.

Some people want to auction off the office of the Governor of California. They think it should go to the highest bidder. Well, I want to put in a bid---not one thin nickel. And then I’m going to close the bidding.

I happen to be one of those Californians who think that maybe it’s time to put someone in office who hasn’t bought it. I happen to be one of those Californians who doesn’t have the money to buy it.

Jerry Brown says, “I’ll be back.” We’ve heard that before! Jerry Brown would make a good Governor---in 1975. Californians don’t want experience. That’s the past. They want change! That’s why a lot of Californians have started to collect bottles.

Anybody can spend a lifetime in public service. That’s easy. How many other candidates have spent a lifetime telling dick jokes under a disco ball? That’s the kind of experience that the other folks in this race just don’t have.

Anyone who ever spent time in Sacramento knows that it is a house divided. Both sides say, “Do it my way, or we won’t do it at all.” If I decide to enter this race and you send James Tripp to Sacramento, we’ll do it your way. If you want your politics without pickles, that’s the way you’re going to get it!

The Republicans want to cut taxes even though the state is on the verge of bankruptcy. It’s a bad idea, but if that’s the tea you’re drinking, then James Tripp will drink it too. I’ll take you one better, if I decide to run for Governor and win, no taxes until 2014! We’ll let the next Governor worry about it…unless I run for re-election. No taxes until 2018!

In an effort to appeal to Palin voters, if I decide to run and I am elected, I pledge to resign my office before I can be sworn in. I have never been a quitter. To leave office before my term is completed is opposed to every instinct in my body, but to leave office before my term begins…that’s a horse of a different color, especially if there are gift baskets. I would really like the gift baskets, not for myself, but for my campaign committee.

The time for yesterday is past. The time for tomorrow is today. I may not have all the answers, but I have the questions. I may not have all the questions. People in this State want to know about the things they want to know about and I certainly do. This is not a time to rest. It is a time to do whatever that thing is that is the opposite of resting.

I do not claim to know the specifics of every issue. I’m an average person just like an average person. I feel that the less I know, the better I can represent the California voters…if I decide to run.

California is Tripp country. There’s so much left to do with the work we have not yet begun.

The Governor’s Propositions

Poor Governor Schwarzenegger. He thought he could circumvent the Cal-i-fornia legislature with a special edition election. Now he wants to “find common ground” with them. The legislature knew he’d be back.

It’s estimated that between $250 million to $350 million was spent on these propositions. Warren Beatty said it cost the taxpayers $50 million. And he ought to know. Why? I don’t know.

Think of all the good movies the Governor could have made with all that money...Okay, think of all the movies he could have made. Actually, he probably would have only been able to make one movie with that money. It takes a lot of money to make an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie. It takes between $250 million to $350 million.

Warren Beatty could have made a couple of good movies for that kind of money. He could have made Bulworth and Reds and had money left over for Heaven Can Wait. Warren Beatty doesn’t get paid as much as the Governor does to be in movies. So he can get a lot more done with the money.

Poor Governor Schwarzenegger. None of his propositions passed. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Well, pretty soon he’ll be back to making movies. Why should Sylvester Stallone be having all the fun? While he’s making Rocky VI and Rambo IV, I think Governor Schwarzenegger should be doing Terminator IV and True Lies II. Oh, never mind. The Vice-President’s office already made that movie.

Warren Beatty and Annette Bening Can Come to My Rally

Warren Beatty and Annette Bening got turned away at an invitation only rally for Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. I know how they feel. I wasn’t invited either. The Governor was making campaign stops all this weekend and Mr. and Mrs. Beatty were not invited to any of them. Me either.

I can understand why I wasn’t invited, but what does it say about the state of our state when our celebrities are excluded from airport hangers? If Warren Beatty and Annette Bening can’t get into a party where they would have been the most interesting guests, what hope do the rest of us have? Can you imagine if I had tried to get into that party? The bouncer would have been like, “Hey, pal, I just turned away Warren Beatty and Annette Bening. What was your name again?”

What kind of a world do we live in where people think they can treat celebrities like this? These aren’t just people, they’re movie stars. These people are famous. Maybe if Mr. Beatty had started rapping like he did in that movie, they would have let him in. Maybe the guy at the door didn’t know who he was. This is no way to treat a celebrity, let alone two celebrities.

I feel bad for Warren Beatty and Annette Bening. It makes me want to hold a rally just so I can invite them---as long as they don’t bring any big signs, or the other people who were on that bus with them. I have nothing against the other people, but I don’t think they were famous. They’re on their own.

Still, the next time Warren Beatty and Annette Bening have a party, I bet I won’t be invited. I don’t blame them. After all, I’m not a celebrity.

Rob Reiner Never Called

I spent all Wednesday night waiting for a phone call from Rob Reiner. He was in Los Angeles making calls in opposition to Proposition 75 and I’m a registered Los Angeles voter. Every time my phone rang, I answered, “Hello, Rob Reiner?” And when it wasn’t him, I’d say, “I can’t talk now, I’m expecting a call, a very important call.”

I have call waiting, but I hung up on everyone. After all, I wasn’t waiting for just any call. I was waiting for a call from Rob Reiner. “Hello?”

I even knew how the call was going to go. I’d answer the phone, “Hello, Rob Reiner?”

And he’d say, “Yes. How did you know?”

And I’d say, “I’ve been expecting your call.”

And he’d say, “I want to talk to you about Proposition 75.”

And I’d say, “Oh, that old thing?”

And he’d say, “This is a very important Proposition.”

And I’d say, “Of course it is, Rob Reiner.”

And he’d say, “This Proposition will stifle the political voice of unionized workers.”

And I’d say, “You are right, Rob Reiner.”

He may or may not be right, but could it hurt to give him a little positive reinforcement? And besides, if I didn’t agree with him, he’d just call back. I can’t hang around my phone every night waiting for him to call.

And what if he is right? After all, Rob Reiner has his own political advisor. How many people do you know with their own political advisor? The only political advisor I ever had was my father. His advice: “Vote Republican, you idiot!” How can you argue with that?

But Rob Reiner never called. I felt cheap. I felt used. I felt like maybe I just wasted my time waiting for him to call. I felt like maybe I’d have to read about this proposition myself. Drat!

Tonight I’m going to turn on the radio and wait to hear the commercial Warren Beatty has taped for the California Nurses Association. It’s 60 seconds long and he wrote it himself. That definitely deserves some positive reinforcement. How many people do you know who have written their own 60 second radio commercial? Not me.

Of course, we can see Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger anytime we want. He’s done a couple of his own commercials. I don’t think he wrote them, but he does have a lot of advisors.

And it’s not too late for Rob Reiner to call. I actually would like to hear from him. You see, what I really want to do is be an actor. Someday I hope to have my own advisors. Call me, Rob Reiner.