James Tripp - "The Inauguration"

Live at "Comedy Nation at the Cafe Muse" in Los Angeles, CA. Recorded January 21, 2009. © by James Tripp

"The DAMage Report"

Here's a link to a radio show I did yesterday:

The DAMage Report with guest James Tripp

The Buckshot Stops Here

The Bush Administration has a new slogan---“the buckshot stops here.”

These guys are getting cocky. I guess they figured when you’ve already admitted to killing at least 30,000 innocent civilians, what’s one more?

I know what Cheney was thinking: “Why should I be the only one with a bad heart?”

They're like The Beverly Hillbillies. “One day Dick was shootin’ for some food and up from the brush came a gurgling stream of 78 year old blood---Texas blood. It’s not as quenching as the blood of a virgin, Cheney may have been thinking, but it is blood never the less.

The last time I went hunting, I was at the supermarket. I could recognize my prey because it was wrapped in cellophane.

Hunters say what they do is beneficial because it helps to thin the heard. I think we should thin the heard right now. The trouble is the kind of hunter we need for this job is already working for the Vice President. And we all know what happens when you go against Dick Cheney.

American Public Pardons White House Turkeys

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, the American Public today pardoned Marshmallow and Yam for lying to them since September 11, 2001 and for usurping the democratic process to seize power.

“They came to office through deceit and guile,” said one citizen. “But come on, stop lying, stop making money for your friends and get the boys home.”

“In a democracy, everyone gets the leadership they deserve,” said another unconcerned American, “but this is ridiculous.”

“I like dark meat,” said a passerby on Pennsylvania Avenue, “but these birds are a little gamey.”

When asked if it was prudent to pardon a couple of turkeys who led us into war with forged intelligence, a spokesman for the people said, “I don’t think the President was operating from bad intelligence. I think he was operating from no intelligence.”

President Cheney Annexes Austria and the Sudetenland

With renewed calls to accelerate the withdrawal of American troops from Iraq, President Dick Cheney today outlined plans to annex Austria and the Sudetenland and warned that aggression from Poland would not be tolerated.

Noting that Austria and the Sudetenland are “hotbeds of terrorist activity,” the President said that the United States had no choice but to take pre-emptive action. “We are closely monitoring the developing situation in Poland,” he said.

British Prime Minister Tony Blair announced the signing of an Anglo-American accord “as symbolic of the desire of our two peoples… [to bring] peace in our time.”

President Cheney said, “The Prime Minister is a good man. He’s a friend of mine. We’re colleagues. He’s right on this thing. I agree with the Prime Minister and believe this accord will serve the best interests of this nation.”

Energy Policy For Sale

The Washington Post reported that executives from several oil companies met with Vice President Dick Cheney’s energy task force in 2001, according to White House documents. I’m shocked---shocked that the Vice President’s office would document this.

How were these same executives then expected to testify before a joint hearing last week of the Senate Energy and Commerce committees under oath? Republican Commerce Chairman Ted Stevens had the perfect solution---don’t make them swear an oath to tell the truth. Why didn’t I think of that?

The chief executives of Exxon Mobil Corp., Cheveron Corp. and ConocoPhillips last week testified that they did not participate in the 2001 task force. The chief executive of BP America said he did not know, while the President of Shell Oil said his company did not participate “to my knowledge.” I wonder whose job it was to make sure he had no knowledge.

The energy task force, comprised mostly of cabinet level officials, was charged with developing a national energy policy. The Post article reports that many of the recommendations of the group have already become law while other points are still being debated.

During this same period, many environmental groups attempted to give input to the task force and were denied access. The environment, apparently, was not the task at hand.

It is good to see that the party of Lincoln is rededicated to the proposition “that government of the people, by some of the people, for some of the people, shall not perish from the earth.”