"The DAMage Report" - July 13, 2009

Here's yesterday's show with me, Jeremy Beth Michaels, Lora Somoza and host Johnny Dam:

The DAMage Report with guest James Tripp

The Buckshot Stops Here

The Bush Administration has a new slogan---“the buckshot stops here.”

These guys are getting cocky. I guess they figured when you’ve already admitted to killing at least 30,000 innocent civilians, what’s one more?

I know what Cheney was thinking: “Why should I be the only one with a bad heart?”

They're like The Beverly Hillbillies. “One day Dick was shootin’ for some food and up from the brush came a gurgling stream of 78 year old blood---Texas blood. It’s not as quenching as the blood of a virgin, Cheney may have been thinking, but it is blood never the less.

The last time I went hunting, I was at the supermarket. I could recognize my prey because it was wrapped in cellophane.

Hunters say what they do is beneficial because it helps to thin the heard. I think we should thin the heard right now. The trouble is the kind of hunter we need for this job is already working for the Vice President. And we all know what happens when you go against Dick Cheney.

I Have No Comment to Make About an Ongoing Investigation

Everything I have to say about what I won’t say anything about I’ve already said. I can understand your wanting to read along in the hope that there might be some further clarification of the point I really can’t make any statement about, but that just won’t be the case. We’re going through a very serious investigation and there’s no reason to investigate the investigation. If we start saying things now, the next thing you know, we’ll be saying things.

People want me to comment on the investigation, which I’m not going to do. That’s why I made that the headline. Read it again: “I have no comment to make about an ongoing investigation.” There are a lot of ongoing investigations and I’m not going to comment on any of them. There are some investigations that I’m not even the target of and I have nothing to say about them. Someday I may have something to say about something but that day is not today. I really can’t say what it is that I’m not saying anything about.

There are many things I can’t comment on and I’m not going to say if this is one of those things I’m not going to talk about. This is an investigation and it’s a serious investigation and it’s an investigation. You wouldn’t want somebody talking about your investigation if you were being investigated and I’m not going to talk about this investigation. What investigation are we talking about? Don’t tell me.

Let’s not lose focus on the things we shouldn’t lose focus on. We have an agenda of agenda like things that we must use to form…an agenda. If people start asking a lot of questions the next thing you know is that people will be asking a lot of questions. There are no answers and I really can’t tell you why there are no answers. If I had an answer for what the answer was, that would be the answer.

I hope this clears everything up. Investigations are very investigatory and it would be wrong to say anything about that. Remember, in this country a man is innocent if he hires a good lawyer. If he hires two lawyers, that’s even better. If he fires one lawyer and hires three new lawyers, he’ll probably be acquitted.

I really have no further comment about the things I won’t say anything about. At a future date I hope to issue a statement to reiterate what was not said here.