Trippitorial - "The Supreme Corporation"

Citing its own 2010 Citizens United ruling as precedent, the Supreme Court struck down a century old Montana state campaign finance law that limits corporate political spending. The court stated, "Political speech does not lose first amendment protection simply because its source is a corporation."

That’s why from now on I will no longer be known as James Tripp. I will be known as James Tripp, Inc. I am incorporating to avoid federal election spending limits and for the limited liability because I’m liable to do anything. Was’t Hamlet wronged Laertes? Never Hamlet. Twas Hamlet’s corporation.

When corporations incorporate, they do it to limit their liability. So when people form a corporation, they do it because they know they’re going to do something they don’t want to be liable for.

Corporations are artificial creations whose sole purpose is to increase profit.  For them to have a profit, somebody else has to have a loss, in this case, real people.

If corporations are people, let them walk my dog and pick up his shit. Of course, I don’t have a dog, but that’s not important to the point I’m trying to make. “Down, boy.”

People are not corporations. Sure, anybody can put an Inc. On their name, but a corporation is so much more than an individual. For example: an individual would not think to patent his own DNA, but a corporation would. As a matter of fact I don’t own the licensing on several of my chromosomes, which can sometimes be a problem.

Why, some of my best friends are incorporated. The fed, Citibank, the Republican Party…I wouldn’t want my sister to marry one.

Corporate spending makes voting obsolete. Now if we could just make corporations obsolete by voting.

Over the years, the court’s become more diverse. There’s an African American, women and a Latina on the bench. Isn’t it about time the president appoints a corporation to the Supreme Court? I think there may be one on there already.

America is not a corporation or a Democracy or a Republic. I don’t know what it is, but I owe it taxes.

This is James Tripp, inc., a Delaware corporation, and I’ll be back with another Trippitorial.

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"Free Speech Show" - My Life Is A Hobby

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Trippitorial - Immigrant Song

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"Free Speech Show" - Hobbies

Here's today's podcast with panelists Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett, James Tripp and host Bill Bronner:

Panelists discuss their hobbies

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"Comedy Nation This Week" - June 22, 2012

Here's today's podcast with panelists Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett, James Tripp and host Bill Bronner:

Panelists discuss the latest in the 2012 Presidential race, private prisons, the Justice Department's investigation of the cable industry, the weekly Trippitorial and more.

Trippitorial – Immigrant Song

Obama wants to give what amounts to amnesty to some illegal immigrants. We already gave it to bankers! There’s only so much amnesty to go around---domestically. Of course there’s always Amnesty International.

I say leave the illegal immigrants alone! I am sick and tired of people saying they’re sick and tired of the sick and tired. People who rail are people who fail to see the profit of putting illegal immigrants in jail.

This is a whole segment of the population that can’t vote for the people who are legislating against them. It’s a Republican wet dream. It’s a no lose proposition, especially if you’re Corrections Corporation of America, lobbying to correct America since 1983.

Illegal immigrants are the fastest growing segment of the American prison population and they’re starting to crowd out the pot smokers. Prosecuting illegal immigrants is big business for the private prison industry. Illegal immigrants are job creators.

Leave them alone. Illegal immigrants are some of my favorite people. They’re just like regular people, only illegal.

I get the other side. I, too, am tired of illegal immigrants coming to this country and stealing all our jobs. Of course I’m talking about Canadian comedians. The reality is you just have to be funnier than they are, and let’s face it, that’s not too hard.

But if you stop prosecuting illegal immigrants it’s bad for business and what’s bad for business is bad for America! Unless you weren’t born here, but that’s not my business.

Still, private prisons shouldn’t be too worried. The drug laws should keep their profits growing. But what happens if they make pot legal? There wouldn’t be anybody left to put in private prisons. I hope somebody bails them out.

Michael Bloomberg wants to make sodas illegal, which is bad for some business, but it could be good for the private prison business. The problem with the prisoners in this model is that they’re too big to jail.

For some Republicans, immigration reform isn’t enough. They want to get rid of some of the people that were born here too. Most Republicans don’t make sense. I think we should make English the official language of the GOP.

 

Mitt Romney is still on the fence about immigration. When he falls off, all of his wife’s horses and all the kingpins won’t be able to put Mitt Romney’s immigration policy back together again

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Trippitorial - "Super Pacs"

I am announcing today that I will accept support from any outside Super Pac wishing to advocate for James Tripp for President, even though I am not running. This is not a reversal of position. This is a course correction. And while some may say I may have said something else in the past about some things, some people would be better off moving on to other things.

We’re not going to fight this fight we’re not in with one hand tied behind our back…backs…back. We can’t allow the people who are running to operate under a different set of rules from the people who are not running. The campaign that we are not in has to face the reality of the campaign that people are in.

While I may not have spoken out in favor of Super Pacs in the past, it is not important to note that I spoke out against them, because before you can be for something, you have to be against it. And how can you know for sure if you’re against something, if you never tried to be for something? I don’t think you can.

This is a good time for people with no affiliation to James Tripp to start saying bad things about people who are not James Tripp. You can start off by saying, “He’s no James Tripp!” What you end up saying about the bad people who are not James Tripp is no business of James Tripp and I distance myself from it. I am shocked by it, and I would ask the people who are saying it to stop saying it after everybody has heard what you said.

This is not a step I take lightly. As a matter of fact, when I finish this Trippitorial, I’m going to sit down. The Citizen United ruling opened the door for more money and ad spending in the 2012 election cycle than in any previous election cycle in the history of the world and I want a piece of it, even though I am not running. It almost makes you wish somebody were saying something that wasn’t about somebody else, but I wouldn’t say that.

You know, my mother used to say, “If you have nothing nice to say about a person, don’t say anything at all.” I have nothing to say about my mother and I have nothing bad to say about some of the other candidates who are in the race I’m not in, but somebody else might. If some other group wants to say that Romney’s not too bright, or that Obama was born in Ubecky-Becky-Becky-Becky-Stan-Stan, there’s nothing I can do about that. But you can, if you contribute today.

This is not a time for candidates to be saying anything. This is a time for people who are not affiliated with the candidates to be saying things about people who aren’t affiliated to other people saying things!
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The Hierophant - A Novel - Preview the first Three Chapters

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Trippitorial - "Royalty"

As people were celebrating the sixtieth anniversary jubilee of the queen of England, you might have been wondering, “Why does England still have a Queen?”---especially since Freddy Mercury died. And why are peasants so mesmerized by their oppressors? Because they’re stupid peasants, but that’s not really the point I’m trying to make. Stupid peasant Royalists.

And who paid for that party? The taxpayers? “Yea! We’ve been oppressed for sixty years!” Listen, you don’t have to put these assholes up against a wall, but get them off the public dole. You can tell kings and queens are assholes, because they wear crowns. I don’t even own a hat.

Saudi Arabia has a king, Jordan has a king. Monaco is still fucked up. Royalty is what happens when cousins marry. That’s how the royal line stays pure. “God save our incestry…”

You know why royalty has existed for so long? Because there were no super Pac’s until now. Now that there are super Pac’s, I will be able to defeat any monarch in their own kingdom. The only question I have to answer is, “Which kingdom do I want?” Actually, there is a second question: does anyone have Sheldon Adelson’s phone number?

It’s time to put an end to monarchies, or to make me your King, although I prefer the title, “Emperor.” I’m James Tripp and I’ll be back next week with another Trippitorial.

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Attention California Prop 29 Voters!

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Trippitorial - "Commencement Day"

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"Comedy Nation This Week" - June 1, 2008

Here's today's podcast with panelists Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett, James Tripp and host Bill Bronner:

Panelists discuss, the jobs report, John Edwards acquittal, cannibals and spies.

Trippitorial – Commencement Day

This is the time of year when students are graduating and speeches are commencing. And so to graduates of the 2012 Trippitorials, I would like to say this:

Dean, President, Chancellor , faculty, members of the Board of Trustees, beloved parents,  grandparents, great grandparents, not so great parents, graduates, friends of the class of 2012, Senators, Congressmen, distinguished alumni:

As I look out at all your faces here today, I can’t see any of them because I’m in a radio station in North Hollywood. But that doesn’t mean I don’t see the hope in those feces…faces. And to that I say, stop hoping. If you don’t have a job now, you’re probably not going to get one, so why bother.

Statistically, nobody would be surprised if you moved back into your parent’s basement and kept eating their food. So I say, do it. When are you gonna have another chance like this? Your first divorce?

Today’s job market is abysmal. My advice to you is to borrow money from Mitt Romney’s parents and stay in school. Rack up another degree and another battery of student loans. You’re not gonna be able to get a job, so you might as well keep learning. And maybe the bank will learn a lesson when you can’t pay back any of their usurious loans.

In closing, I want you question everything you’ve been told in school. But do not question me. It is quite possible you have been lied to, indoctrinated, usurped, taught, tamed, torn, trained, tricked, broken, educated and diverted from your true nature. What if your teachers were wrong? What if they were, in fact, insane?

Congratulations, Class of 2012. Your parents are proud of you. They’re glad to finally get rid of you. Hopefully.

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James Tripp is no John Edwards