FADE IN:
EXT.
TOLL BOOTH - DAY
GOVERNOR
CHRIS CHRISTIE, wearing a TOLL COLLECTOR UNIFORM, is packed snuggly into an
undersized booth. He is talking to DRIVER NUMBER ONE.
CHRISTIE
Are you gonna vote for me?
DRIVER NUMBER ONE
No.
CHRISTIE
Are you gonna vote for me?
DRIVER NUMBER ONE
No.
CHRISTIE
Are you gonna vote for me?
DRIVER NUMBER ONE
Yes.
CHRISTIE
You can pass.
Christie
raises the TOLL GATE and Driver Number One advances. DRIVER NUMBER TWO takes
his place.
DRIVER NUMBER TWO
What's the toll?
CHRISTIE
Is that a Bruce Springsteen
CD on
your car seat?
DRIVER NUMBER TWO
Yes.
CHRISTIE
That's your toll. I like to
listen
to Bruce when I workout.
Driver
Number Two reluctantly gives it to him. Christie raises the toll gate and
Driver Number Two advances. DRIVER NUMBER THREE takes his place.
CHRISTIE (CONT'D)
I see you have a lot of
garbage in
your front seat there. Your
toll to
cross the bridge is to award
the
contract to remove that
garbage to
a mutual acquaintance of a
friend
of this administration's,
whose
name you do not need to
know.
Driver
Number Three nods.
CHRISTIE (CONT'D)
You can pass.
Christie
raises the toll gate and Driver Number Three advances. DRIVER NUMBER FOUR takes
his place.
CHRISTIE (CONT'D)
Business is booming!
DRIVER NUMBER FOUR
Hey, how come only one lane
of
traffic is open?
CHRISTIE
I'm the tollbooth operator,
putz.
I'll ask the questions.
Everybody
answers to me. That's why
there's
one lane, dummy.
DRIVER NUMBER FOUR
What's the toll?
CHRISTIE
You have to endorse me.
DRIVER NUMBER FOUR
What? I'm late for work.
CHRISTIE
You're late, huh, bozo?
Well, guess
what happens if I don't
raise this
gate? One lane becomes no
lane. Now
do you want to pay the toll?
DRIVER NUMBER FOUR
(Reluctantly)
I endorse you.
Christie
isn't sure he's sincere.
DRIVER NUMBER FOUR (CONT'D)
You have my full support.
CHRISTIE
You can pass.
Christie
raises the toll gate and Driver Number Four advances. DRIVER NUMBER FIVE takes
his place. There is a PASSENGER eating a JELLY DONUT.
DRIVER NUMBER FIVE
What's the toll?
CHRISTIE
I see your friend there is
eating a
gelatinous jelly donut.
DRIVER NUMBER FIVE
Yea. That's right. What's
the toll?
CHRISTIE
You know, most people buy a
dozen
when they get donuts.
DRIVER NUMBER FIVE
That's right. We bought a
dozen
donuts. What's the toll?
CHRISTIE
The rest of those donuts. I
just
finished my workout.
DRIVER
NUMBER FIVE is dumbfounded. He reluctantly gives Christie the BOX OF DONUTS.
CHRISTIE (CONT'D)
You can pass.
Christie
raises the toll gate and Driver Number Five advances. DRIVER NUMBER SIX takes
his place. He hands Christie a piece of paper.
CHRISTIE (CONT'D)
I haven't told you what the
toll
is.
DRIVER NUMBER SIX
That's a subpoena. You
should read
it.
Christie
opens the notice and reads it.
CHRISTIE
You must be an idiot to
serve this
to me.
Christie
lowers a gate behind Driver Number Six's car.
CHRISTIE (CONT'D)
Now do you see what you've
done?
You made me close the whole
bridge.
This is on you. Everybody's
gonna
know it was you! And I was
gonna
give you a donut.
Christie
leaves the booth, closes the door, remembers something, opens the door, gets
the donuts, closes the door and places a SIGN on it that says: "Bridge
Closed." Driver Number Six is left trapped in his car, unable to move.
FADE TO BLACK.
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