Buy "The Hierophant"

Buy My Book:

The N.R.A. is a Terrorist Organization

Buy My Book:

The Hierophant - Los Angeles Reading

Facebook Event Page

 Muse On 8th

Buy My Book:

Second Coming

Buy My Book:

Ardent Atheist - September 11, 2013 - Episode 129

You can now download this episode on itunes and here:

JamesTripp, Dylan Brody and Matt Kirshen join hosts Emery Emery and Heather Henderson to discuss, among other things, The Hierophant.

Buy My Book:

Ardent Atheist - September 11, 2013

Buy My Book:

James Tripp, Matt Kirshen and Dylan Brody join hosts Emery Emery and Heather Henderson on Ardent Atheist.

The Second Coming

Buy My Book:

Trippitorial - The Pope's Confession

Now that the Pope has been paroled, I am ready to hear his confession, especially if his sin involves his red Prada shoes. I bet Jesus would have looked great in red Prada shoes---“What the well dressed messiahs are wearing…”

It makes you wonder what the crucifix would have looked like if Gucci had designed that little loin cloth that they always depict Jesus wearing.

Anyway, the fun part about hearing a confession is assigning penance, and I don’t think Emeritus is going to like his.

The first time I went to confession, I was about six years old. You’re not supposed to have your first confession until you’re seven years old, but I was visiting an aunt who figured, “If I’m going to confession, you’re going too.” She must have spotted the darkness in my soul.

So I went into the confession booth, and I didn’t know the routine, and the priest yelled at me because I told him I hadn’t committed any sins. “You didn’t commit any sins?” He said I was wasting his time. “Don’t come back until you’ve sinned!”

If I’d known I was going to confession, I would have prepared better. Maybe I could have stolen some candy or told one of my teachers to fuck off. Maybe I should have told the priest to fuck off so I’d have a good sin to confess for my “official” first confession.

Anyway, he gave me a penance, even though I hadn’t done anything. “Say four Hail Marys and two Our Fathers.” Yea, I’ll rattle those right off, Padre.

When I was a kid, the sin I usually came up with when I went to confession was that I was disobedient to my parents. Not really a sin in my book, but it kept the priest happy. They loved this one. It was one of the Commandments.

The Ten Commandments came in handy if you couldn’t think of anything to say in confession. “Yea, this week I was coveting my neighbor’s wife and his daughter.” That second part always confused the priest, because technically, it really wasn’t part of the Commandment. But I think it’s implied. Because I think the Commandments assume you’re married and you shouldn’t be looking at anybody---unless your wife is a hundred years old and you want a kid; then you can have sex with your maid.

You have to read the Ten Commandments in context. “Obey thy father and mother.” Who wrote that? A father. Nice try.

Moses was like the David Letterman of his day: “From the home office on Mount Sinai, I am now holding in my hand the top ten list of things though shalt not do. Ladies and gentlemen, these are things though shall not do.”

What is a sin? Somebody else’s idea of what you shouldn’t do? Is it just a way to try to implement institutional control? Like comedy, sin is subjective, especially if you’re the Pope. “Well, it’s not a sin if I do it.” This is why I’d make a good Pope. Sin involves judgment, and isn’t that a sin? Stupid Pope. Stupid Catholic Church.

Now that the Pope is no longer Pope, that means he’s no longer infallible, which leaves only me. Don’t forget to vote for James Tripp for Pope. And hey, if I win---Pope Party!
Buy My Book:

Trippitorial - James Tripp for Pope!

Hello, I’m James Tripp, and I want to be your next Pope.

You know, my parents tried to make me Catholic, so I know what a stupid religion it is. Who better to lead it?

Now, it’s true I haven’t been to church in years. The last time I was in church, a priest tried to beat a confession out of me. That’s no reason why I shouldn’t be your leader.

I guess what I’m saying is: Give up everything you have and follow me. If you don’t have anything, then follow somebody else.

I’d make a great Pope. Why, some of my best friends think they’re Jesus.

I was born again. Now my mother really hates me. She thought it was painful the first time.

My philosophy is a variation of the Christian ideal. I believe that if a man slaps you on your cheek, you should place a revolver at the base of his skull and a blow a hole the size of a grapefruit through his cheek.

My philosophy is a synthesis of Muslim fundamentalism and Ricky Ricardoism. I believe in an eye for an aye-yi-yi-yi-yi!

I never understood why the Catholic Church was against abortion. The whole premise of the religion is a God killing his own kid. Whether God kills his only son in utero or when he’s 33 is just splitting hairs, or sons, or the hair on his son. Either way, if you’re the son of this God, you’re not gonna be buying any Father’s Day presents.

This God got his start abusing children. A guy named Abraham was about to kill his son, Isaac. He had the knife over the kid’s head. Then he regained his composure and he didn’t kill him. But it turned out that his wife, Sarah, had seen him and she asked, "What were you doing with a knife over our son’s head?"

And thinking fast, Abraham said, "God told me to do it."

And she said, "God told you to do it?"

And then he said, "But then God told me not to do it."

And she said, "Praise the Lord!" and a God was born, the God of three major religions, all of which hate each other.

What would a Tripp “Popacy” mean? I pledge to make the rich do their fair share of penance! When the top one percent are doing most of the sinning, why shouldn’t they do a little more penance?

What does that mean for the average sinner? When you go to confession, you won’t have to do as many “Hail Marys” and “Our Fathers,” or pretend that’s what you’re doing. I’ll be honest with you. I never did the penance when I went to confession. I just acted like I was praying. That way, I had something for the next time I went to confession.

Under the current “Popacy,” you might get ten “Hail Marys”, three “Our Fathers,” and a rosary. Under a Tripp “Popacy,” you’ll get, maybe, three “Hail Marys,” one “Our Father,” and what’s a rosary?

Also I will bring back indulgences, with a special deal for bankers and their politicians. You will be able to pay for these indulgences over time with reasonable adjustable rates.

What price would you put on your soul? Twenty-eight-fifty.

Sinners will be able to pay either the principal amount or a minimum monthly balance.

Also, if I’m Pope, no more church on Sunday. Why do you go to church? To listen to somebody like you tell you what to do with your life? What does a priest know that you don’t know? Grow up.

Also, I’m gonna start selling some church real estate. And I think it’s kind of weird that the church has its own country, and the Swiss Guard are protecting it. I don’t remember much about this Jesus character’s spiel, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t about an earthly kingdom.

I guess what I’m saying is if you put me in charge of this church, I will dismantle it, and isn’t that really what we should want in the next Pope?

Buy My Book:

"The Hierophant" Excerpt

Buy My Book:

"The Hierophant" Now in Paperback!

Click Below:

Also available on Kindle

Buy My Book:

Trippitorial - "The Hierophant"

Buy The Hierophant:

The Hierophant

Buy The Hierophant:

"The Hierophant" Now Available on Kindle

Buy The Hierophant:

The Hierophant - A Novel - Preview the first Three Chapters

*Updated Post---Now Available in Paperback!*

Click Below to Preview:

Also available on Kindle

Buy The Hierophant:

"Free Speech Show" - Spirituality, Atheists and Religion

Here's today's podcast with me, Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett and host Bill Bronner:

Panelists discuss spirituality, atheists, religion and my soon to be published book, The Hierophant.

Buy My Book:

The Hierophant - A Novel

*Updated Post---Now Available in Paperback!*

Click Below to Preview:

Also available on Kindle

"Free Speech Show" - Spirituality

Here's today's podcast with me, Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett and host Bill Bronner:

 Panelists discuss spirituality and their religious upbringings.

Trippitorial - "Religion in Politics" - March 9, 2012

"Comedy Nation This Week" - March 9, 2012

Here's today's podcast with me, Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett and host Bill Bronner:

The Panel discuss Super Tuesday, Religion in Politics and Brietbart's last release.

Trippitorial - Religion in Politics

I am tired of seeing religion in politics and I’m not too crazy about it in churches. Ever since our money was converted to God in the 1950’s, I haven’t trusted in the government and I never really trusted in money.

During the 1950’s a new translation of E Pluribus Unum was apparently adopted by the brave politicians of that time: “Out of many Gods, one,” a Christian God. I wasn’t alive in the 1950’s, but thanks to a prohibition on birth control, it wasn’t long before I would be. Shortly after I was born a prohibition ensued in my family, but that’s another story, and one I don’t take personally.

Up until the 1950’s, America had managed to keep religion out of the national motto. Although, “George Washington, Son of God.” Was rejected by John Adams in favor of “his Majesty the President,” which I wasn’t too crazy about, but that’s another story.

Apparently, during the 1950’s, the founding fathers were born again, not unlike the way dead victims of the Holocaust were reborn as “Latter Day Saints.” I was born again. Now my mother really hates me.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Jesus. Why, when I was a boy, I had one of those Jesus Christ plush toys, you know, the kind that sticks to the inside of your car window with suction cups.

One thing the field of Republicans can agree on is that they all love Jesus and they love him more than Obama loves Jesus, and he may be a Muslim anyway. But while they’re all worshipping Jesus, they’re all worshipping a different Jesus.

Newt Gingrich is worshipping the “Sick, heal thyself Jesus.” This is a Jesus you don’t hear a lot about.

Rick Santorum is worshipping the Calvin and Hobbes Jesus. Rick talks to Jesus and Jesus talks back. “I’m over here Rick. No, I’m over here. I’m over here. Jesus is everywhere!”

Mitt Romney’s Jesus was born in America. He was the first and greatest American.

Ron Paul’s Jesus is an expletive when he thinks about the other candidates in the GOP race.

They’re all worshipping different Gods too. I have to wonder about Rick Santorum’s God. What God would want Rick Santorum to worship him? Not me. That guy is not all there. I think the doctor dropped Rick Santorum on his head during his circumcision.

I don’t know what God Newt is following, but he seems to be having fun. I’ll bet it’s Bacchus. “Lovey, I think I’ll have another glass of wine.”

Mitt is following a bunch of different Gods, or one God who changes his mind a lot.

I don’t know if Ron Paul has a God, but chances are if he does, his God would eliminate religion from the federal government. I don’t think he would trust it on our money. I don’t think he trusts our money either---well, it’s the Federal Reserve’s money. Let’s face it. And I don’t trust them.