"Comedy Nation This Week" - March 16, 2012

Here's today's podcast with me, Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett and host Bill Bronner:

The panel discuss the recent GOP primaries, the War on Women, Sudan and more.

Trippitorial - Southern Strategy

I have never eaten grits. I’m not opposed to eating grits, but I’m not going out of my way to eat grits. And I’m certainly not going to eat cheese grits. With all apologies to my farming constituency, dairy is not always my friend, but that’s another story.

I don’t even know…what are grits? I know what “true grit” is, but I don’t think that applies in this situation, although in the movie, I think there was a scene where somebody was eating grits, but it might have been just mush, although then it would have been “True Mush,” and that’s a different movie altogether. I never had mush either. Is there a mush constituency? I know mush has a consistency.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that I don’t have a southern strategy. I have nothing against saying y’all, as a matter of fact, I just said it. It’s just that I typically don’t say it. I once said, “Blimey,” but that was in southern England. “Blimey!” It was kind of a Dick Van Dyke interpretation. But if I was to run for president, and I want to make it perfectly clear, I am not running, I don’t think I would change who I am.

Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich like to pander. Newt’s better at it, probably because he looks like a panda. When Mitt panders, you just don’t believe him. If a presidential candidate talks to you like you're a redneck and it doesn’t bother you, you might be a redneck. If you know the Ten Commandments better than you know the bill of rights, you might be a redneck. Wait a minute. That’s not my act. That’s an act?

The Republican candidates in the race I am not in have had their fun in the South and now they’re on to Missouri, Puerto Rico and Illinois. I wonder if Mitt Romney knows the owner of the Cubs. Rick Santorum, on the other hand, is not too good at pandering. He told a newspaper in Puerto Rico that if the territory wants to become a state, they’re going to have to speak English, just like Jesus.  I guess that’s one way to court the Catholic vote.

Of course, maybe his real audience for that remarkable remark was in the States. Maybe he’s not as dumb as his religious beliefs. Of course, you have to be dope to listen to a Pope.

It’s like LBJ said when he signed civil rights legislation, “we’re gonna lose the south until the 2012 election.

Live Tweets From GOP Debate Part XV

February 22, 2012

James Tripp @thejamestripp

Why do they treat the openings of these debates like a reality show?

James Tripp @thejamestripp

will not be rising at home.

Shouldn’t Mitt Romney be singing the national anthem?

Santorum wins contest to be first to attack health insurance reform.

We should send Mitt Romney back to the State.

Mitt Romney didn’t follow the part that was about him

I thought the bridge to nowhere was from the 2008 debates.

Mitt Romney is losing.

With this group they must be talking about the special Olympics.

These companies needed to be taken over by Bain Capital.

What they’re really saying is they should have broken the UAW.

Newt Gingrich’s uterus keeps getting bigger.

Mitt Romney, Panderer-in-Chief.

Santorum is making a case for birth control and he doesn’t get it.

Sex is not bad, unless it’s with one of these stooges.

Everybody has a ...care but Newt Gingrich.

Planned Parenthood should stop planning!

February 22, 2012, 6:02 pm PST

James Tripp @thejamestripp

They’re fighting over who helped the fewest people.

Mitt Romney keeps losing to Rick Santorum.

I hope Rick Perry and Mrs., Gingrich #3 use birth control.

Did anybody e-verify the candidates?

Let’s re-mantle the army Rumsfeld dismantled.

We can’t allow illegal immigrants to have nuclear weapons.

Santorum just called U.S. “the Great Satan” and I fit right in.

Romney reminds me of someone giving an oral report in H.S. that he will forget when the bell rings.

No Republican left behind.

James Tripp for President on Education: youtu.be/wUBPc-IHjh8

Did Newt Gingrich just say “Git’er done?”

February 22, 2012, 6:56 pm PST

James Tripp @thejamestripp

has to take his morning after pill. Goodnight.

"Comedy Nation This Week" - January 27, 2012

Here's today's episode of "Comedy Nation This Week" with me, Laurie Buckley, and host Bill Bronner:

The Panel Discusses the State of the Union, the GOP Florida debates and more.

Trippitorial: Class Warfare

When Rick Perry pulled out of the Republican race, I expected him to endorse me, but instead he endorsed a Newt. I don’t blame him though. Newt probably yelled at him, and we know how mean Newt can be. Maybe he thinks he can be Newt’s Vice President. He could be the new Dan Quayle. Nobody’s would assassinate Newt Gingrich if Rick Perry was the Vice President.

Jon Huntsman was poised to endorse me, but obviously somebody got to him and he ended up endorsing twit Romney. It’s almost like they don’t even want to acknowledge I’m in this race even though I’m not.

And then Huntsman accused ex-president Barack Obama (if I get in this race) of provoking class warfare. The only thing Jon Huntsman provoked was James Tripp, even if I’m not running.

Who is causing class warfare? The people eliminating the middle class. It’s not the people being eliminated. Shut your pie hole! It’s like Newt Gingrich blaming me for him eating too many Twinkies! Shut your pie hole, Newt and you won’t get so fat! If you’re not a poster boy for gluttony, then you’re probably a poster boy for something else that may explode at any minute from a continual internal combustion of bile.

The class who benefit by exploiting another class doesn’t want it pointed out. They’d make it illegal to discuss if they could get away with it. They’d call it sedition, or some word like that that fat people say to keep skinny people from eating the food.

But I digress, and it’s a good thing too. The upper class accuses the lower class of fomenting a class war to silence them. The rich foment a class war by hoarding all the wealth. If the poor foment anything it won’t be a war, it will be a revolution. Wars are for the rich. You need uniforms. The poor can’t afford uniforms! They’re lucky to have shoes!

So shut up about a class war, because if you want a class war, you’ll get a class war. At least that’s what Rambo said…I think.

Be careful what rhetoric you pursue, you may not like where it takes you, you silly primary Republicans! Put that in your twitter and tweet it!

I’m James Tripp and I’ll be back next week with another Trippitorial!

Live Tweets From GOP Debate Part XIV

January 26, 2012, 4:54 pm PST JamesTripp @thejamestripp

will be tweeting the #GOPDebate beginning at 5 pm PST and rooting for Sheldon #Adelson.

January 26, 2012, 5:02 pm PST James Tripp @thejamestripp

#CNN 's opening makes this seem like a #sporting event.

Will the crowd be muzzled or rabid?

They continue to use the same wardrobe consultant.

Where's #SteveTyler when you need him?

January 26, 2012, 5:07 pm PST James Tripp @thejamestripp

is thrilled to be tweeting.

January 26, 2012, 5:08 pm PST James Tripp @thejamestripp

wonder's if #Santorum 's mother wishes she had an #abortion.

#Newt is pretending to be calm tonight.

Why is no one yelling?

Someone got to them.

Let's get those grandmothers to work!

"I doubt that's my ad. I'm not sure if I'm running for President." #Romney

We'd be a lot better off trading #Newt to #Cuba.

January 26, 2012, 5:30 pm PSTJames Tripp @thejamestripp

#Romney is not answering the question about regulating #FreddieMac.

#Newt is not answering the question about regulating #FreddieMac.

Do politicians need more #regulation?

This is a repeat of Tuesday's #Newt- #Romney duel, but someone told them to be civil.

#Santorum scores with planned moment.

I think it's important we don't use the word castigate. #Romney

#Newt into attacking #Media mode.

#Newt #Mitt #Santorum wondering which is the 16th amendment.

January 26, 2012 5:49 pm PST James Tripp @thejamestripp

doesn't feel so good himself.

One of these days...bang...zoom... #NASA

#Newt has been taking #space #money as long as he's been taking money.

Kudos to #Newt for bringing up #race of the races to #space.

#Newt quoting #JFK feels dirty.

#Mitt proving you can't run the government like a corporation.

January 26, 2012, 5:59 pm PST James Tripp @thejamestripp

The Panama Canal is beinc widened so #Newt can fit through.

January 26, 2012, 6:01 pm PST James Tripp @thejamestripp

We need to beat #China to the moon before they build a wall around it.

"We need to repeal insurance reform and go to the moon and unseat Castro." #Newt

Here goes #Romney talking about his imaginary #Obama.

#Santorum 's surging.

First they came for the young's health care, then they came for the older #American's #healthcare.

January 26, 2012 6:18 pm PST James Tripp @thejamestripp

would have #Rubio open for him At Tickles Laugh Hut in Oskaloosa, #Iowa.

A teaser about the candidates wives #WolfBlitzer? #Tacky.

Whose father can beat up whose father #WolfBlitzer?

Whose girlfriend will make the best first mistress #WolfBlitzer?

What reporter will be the best White House press corps reporter #WolfBlitzer?

What kind of a tree would you be #WolfBlitzer?

Did you write these questions yourself #WolfBlitzer?

Let's get back to the debate #WolfBlitzer.

#Romney is "Terribly politically involved."

January 26, 2012, 6:31 pm PST James Tripp @thejamestripp

is closer to #Reagan than #Newt or #Romney.

It's about time someone invade the #BayofPigs!

We should poison #Castro with a cigar.

We need a blockade around #Cuba!

One of these things is not like the others. #RonPaul

Mrs. #Gingrich #3's hair has not moved since the last debate.

January 26, 2012, 6:43 Pm PST James Tripp @thejamestripp

will move the capital of the #USA to #Maui. #CNNDebate

#Newt should seek guidance from me.

I have more money than anyone else. #Romney

#MittRomney is running for President to lower his #taxes.

#Santorum doesn't acknowledge #RonPaul.

January 26, 2012, 7:01 pm PST James Tripp @thejamestripp

I can't wait until the next #GOPDebate!

Live Tweets From GOP Debate Part XIII

January 19, 2012, 7:19 am PST  

thejamestripp James Tripp

will be live tweeting the #GOPDebate tonight beginning @5 pm. Meanwhile, relive my 2008 campaign: youtube.com/playlist?list=…

January 19, 2012, 12:02 pm PST

thejamestripp James Tripp

is in favor of an "open Presidency." youtube.com/playlist?list=…

January 19, 2012, 4:56 pm PST

thejamestripp James Tripp

Just because #RickPerry suspended his pants, that's no reason not to tweet the #NCDebate.

January 19, 2012, 5:01 pm PST

thejamestripp James Tripp

They have to stop making these introductory films for the debates.

We get it.

thejamestripp James Tripp

likes the urgent music.

We need another debate during the debate.

They're all wearing the same suit. It's #RichardNixon 's suit.

Karaoke singing opens.

It's good to be here with Ted Healy and #theThreeStooges.

Being offending is the best defense. #Newt

I'm shocked...shocked to find there's gambling...

Now it's the elite media that's to blame!

#Newt should have thought to bring God into it. One for #Santorum.

There's a lot of #naturalgas onstage.

Crony capitalism was part of the #Halliburton #Bush #Cheney administration.

#Romney never answered the #Bain question.

I hope #RickSantorum is #praying now.

"There are three programs I would cut..."

"We need a military so strong that #MittRomney doesn't have to serve in it."

#Obama has lowered taxes.

I hate when our #freedom is robbed. #Santorum

The expression on #MittRomney 's face makes it seem like he has a hot water bottle in his pants.

I'm converting all my #RickPerry is stupid #jokes into #MittRomney is stupid #jokes.

#Newt is pitching his book and website.

Which candidate will drop out during the commercial break?

They're all still there.

#Santorum knew #NewtGingrich and he is no #NewtGingrich!

We need to send someone to Washington who's lived in #Hawaii.

January 19, 2012, 5:58 pm PST

thejamestripp James Tripp

#Romney is full of ###.

January 19, 2012, 6:01 pm PST

thejamestripp James Tripp

How many rounds of golf has #Romney played?

Aw, shucks! #Santorum

#God is part of the #99%.

Boo! #SOPA

"I'm standing for freedom." Did #MittRomney write that line?

#MittRomney is lying.

#MikeDukakis was the son of immigrants too.

#MittRomney likes to repeat "Get to the back of the line."

January 19, 2012, 6:36 pm PST

thejamestripp James Tripp

Is that #NewtGingrich 's wife or the head they found in the #HollywoodHills?

#MittRomney is trying to appear aloof.

Did #RickSantorum just blow that mike?

#Newt is referencing people no one in #NC remembers.

The mob rules! #King Caesar yields!

We don't need someone talking to us like a professor. #Gingrich #Newt

#MittRomney keeps repeating #Freedom. His idea?

"You voted before Reagan was Reagan..." Huh? #Santorum

January 19, 2012 7:00 pm PST

thejamestripp James Tripp

Soon there will only be three and #BuddyRoemer.