Showing posts with label Santorum. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Santorum. Show all posts
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Friday, March 16, 2012
"Comedy Nation This Week" - March 16, 2012
Here's today's podcast with me, Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett and host Bill Bronner:
I don’t even know…what are grits? I know what “true grit” is, but I don’t think that applies in this situation, although in the movie, I think there was a scene where somebody was eating grits, but it might have been just mush, although then it would have been “True Mush,” and that’s a different movie altogether. I never had mush either. Is there a mush constituency? I know mush has a consistency.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that I don’t have a southern strategy. I have nothing against saying y’all, as a matter of fact, I just said it. It’s just that I typically don’t say it. I once said, “Blimey,” but that was in southern England. “Blimey!” It was kind of a Dick Van Dyke interpretation. But if I was to run for president, and I want to make it perfectly clear, I am not running, I don’t think I would change who I am.
Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich like to pander. Newt’s better at it, probably because he looks like a panda. When Mitt panders, you just don’t believe him. If a presidential candidate talks to you like you're a redneck and it doesn’t bother you, you might be a redneck. If you know the Ten Commandments better than you know the bill of rights, you might be a redneck. Wait a minute. That’s not my act. That’s an act?
The Republican candidates in the race I am not in have had their fun in the South and now they’re on to Missouri, Puerto Rico and Illinois. I wonder if Mitt Romney knows the owner of the Cubs. Rick Santorum, on the other hand, is not too good at pandering. He told a newspaper in Puerto Rico that if the territory wants to become a state, they’re going to have to speak English, just like Jesus. I guess that’s one way to court the Catholic vote.
Of course, maybe his real audience for that remarkable remark was in the States. Maybe he’s not as dumb as his religious beliefs. Of course, you have to be dope to listen to a Pope.
It’s like LBJ said when he signed civil rights legislation, “we’re gonna lose the south until the 2012 election.
The panel discuss the recent GOP primaries, the War on Women, Sudan and more.
Trippitorial - Southern Strategy
I have never eaten grits. I’m not opposed to eating
grits, but I’m not going out of my way to eat grits. And I’m certainly not
going to eat cheese grits. With all apologies to my farming constituency, dairy
is not always my friend, but that’s another story.
I don’t even know…what are grits? I know what “true grit” is, but I don’t think that applies in this situation, although in the movie, I think there was a scene where somebody was eating grits, but it might have been just mush, although then it would have been “True Mush,” and that’s a different movie altogether. I never had mush either. Is there a mush constituency? I know mush has a consistency.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is that I don’t have a southern strategy. I have nothing against saying y’all, as a matter of fact, I just said it. It’s just that I typically don’t say it. I once said, “Blimey,” but that was in southern England. “Blimey!” It was kind of a Dick Van Dyke interpretation. But if I was to run for president, and I want to make it perfectly clear, I am not running, I don’t think I would change who I am.
Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich like to pander. Newt’s better at it, probably because he looks like a panda. When Mitt panders, you just don’t believe him. If a presidential candidate talks to you like you're a redneck and it doesn’t bother you, you might be a redneck. If you know the Ten Commandments better than you know the bill of rights, you might be a redneck. Wait a minute. That’s not my act. That’s an act?
The Republican candidates in the race I am not in have had their fun in the South and now they’re on to Missouri, Puerto Rico and Illinois. I wonder if Mitt Romney knows the owner of the Cubs. Rick Santorum, on the other hand, is not too good at pandering. He told a newspaper in Puerto Rico that if the territory wants to become a state, they’re going to have to speak English, just like Jesus. I guess that’s one way to court the Catholic vote.
Of course, maybe his real audience for that remarkable remark was in the States. Maybe he’s not as dumb as his religious beliefs. Of course, you have to be dope to listen to a Pope.
It’s like LBJ said when he signed civil rights legislation, “we’re gonna lose the south until the 2012 election.
Friday, March 02, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Live Tweets From GOP Debate Part XV
Why do
they treat the openings of these debates like a reality show?
will not
be rising at home.
Shouldn’t Mitt Romney be singing the national
anthem?
Santorum wins
contest to be first to attack health insurance reform.
We should
send Mitt Romney back to the
State.
Mitt Romney
didn’t follow the part that was about him
I thought
the bridge to nowhere was from the 2008 debates.
Mitt Romney
is losing.
With this
group they must be talking about the special Olympics.
These
companies needed to be taken over by Bain
Capital.
What they’re
really saying is they should have broken the UAW.
Newt Gingrich’s
uterus keeps getting bigger.
Mitt Romney,
Panderer-in-Chief.
Santorum is making
a case for birth control and he
doesn’t get it.
Sex is not
bad, unless it’s with one of these stooges.
Everybody
has a ...care but Newt Gingrich.
Planned Parenthood
should stop planning!
They’re
fighting over who helped the fewest people.
Mitt Romney
keeps losing to Rick Santorum.
I hope Rick Perry and Mrs., Gingrich #3 use birth control.
Did
anybody e-verify the candidates?
Let’s
re-mantle the army Rumsfeld dismantled.
We can’t
allow illegal immigrants to have nuclear weapons.
Santorum just
called U.S. “the Great Satan” and I fit right in.
Romney reminds
me of someone giving an oral report in H.S. that he will forget when the bell
rings.
No Republican left behind.
James Tripp for President
on Education: youtu.be/wUBPc-IHjh8
Did Newt Gingrich just say “Git’er done?”
has to
take his morning after pill. Goodnight.
Monday, February 20, 2012
"Breaking Taboo" - February 20, 2012
Here's today's podcast with me, Allan Coberly, Steven Forrest and host Lakota Phillips:
"The War On Women"
Friday, February 17, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
"Comedy Nation This Week" - February 10, 2012
Here's today's episode of "Comedy Nation This Week" with me, Laurie Buckley and host Bill Bronner:
We’re not going to fight this fight we’re not in with one hand tied behind our back…backs…back. We can’t allow the people who are running to operate under a different set of rules from the people who are not running. The campaign that we are not in has to face the reality of the campaign that people are in.
While I may not have spoken out in favor of Super Pacs in the past, it is not important to note that I spoke out against them, because before you can be for something, you have to be against it. And how can you know for sure if you’re against something, if you never tried to be for something? I don’t think you can.
This is a good time for people with no affiliation to James Tripp to start saying bad things about people who are not James Tripp. You can start off by saying, “He’s no James Tripp!” What you end up saying about the bad people who are not James Tripp is no business of James Tripp and I distance myself from it. I am shocked by it, and I would ask the people who are saying it to stop saying it after everybody has heard what you said.
This is not a step I take lightly. As a matter of fact, I’m sitting down. The Citizen United ruling opened the door for more money and ad spending in the 2012 election cycle than in any previous election cycle in the history of the world and I want a piece of it, even though I am not running. It almost makes you wish somebody were saying something that wasn’t about somebody else, but I wouldn’t say that.
You know, my mother used to say, “If you have nothing nice to say about a person, don’t say anything at all.” I have nothing to say about my mother.
There are so many things to be said about so many people that people who are not affiliated with James Tripp need so much money to say them. You’re darn right Newt Gingrich is a lying, stinking, cheating methane producing poster boy for gluttony, but that’s not something I’d say. That’s something other people who are not James Tripp say about other people.
Newt wants to put a man on the moon? Somebody might say, “That’s a good place for him!” But I wouldn’t say that. I say, “Kudos to Newt for bringing the race of the races to space.” You’re darn right! We need to beat China to the moon before they build a wall around it!
I wouldn’t say anything bad about some of the other candidates who are in the race I’m not in, but somebody else would. If some other group wants to say that Romney’s not too bright, or that Gingrich is the closest this nation has come to running Jabba the Hutt for president, there’s nothing I can do about that.
It won’t be me bringing up Ron Paul’s racist past. I’m not the sort of person who would wish that when Rick Santorum was born again, he was born somewhere else.
This is not a time for candidates to be saying anything. This is a time for people who are not affiliated with the candidates to be saying things about people who aren’t affiliated to other people saying things!
The Panel Discusses the mortgage settlement, Rick Santorum's wins, Catholics and contraception, and more.
Trippitorial: Super Pacs
I am announcing today that I
will accept support from any outside Super Pac wishing to advocate for James
Tripp for President, even though I am not running. This is not a reversal of
position. This is a course correction. And while some may say I may have said
something else in the past about some things, some people would be better off
moving on to other things.
We’re not going to fight this fight we’re not in with one hand tied behind our back…backs…back. We can’t allow the people who are running to operate under a different set of rules from the people who are not running. The campaign that we are not in has to face the reality of the campaign that people are in.
While I may not have spoken out in favor of Super Pacs in the past, it is not important to note that I spoke out against them, because before you can be for something, you have to be against it. And how can you know for sure if you’re against something, if you never tried to be for something? I don’t think you can.
This is a good time for people with no affiliation to James Tripp to start saying bad things about people who are not James Tripp. You can start off by saying, “He’s no James Tripp!” What you end up saying about the bad people who are not James Tripp is no business of James Tripp and I distance myself from it. I am shocked by it, and I would ask the people who are saying it to stop saying it after everybody has heard what you said.
This is not a step I take lightly. As a matter of fact, I’m sitting down. The Citizen United ruling opened the door for more money and ad spending in the 2012 election cycle than in any previous election cycle in the history of the world and I want a piece of it, even though I am not running. It almost makes you wish somebody were saying something that wasn’t about somebody else, but I wouldn’t say that.
You know, my mother used to say, “If you have nothing nice to say about a person, don’t say anything at all.” I have nothing to say about my mother.
There are so many things to be said about so many people that people who are not affiliated with James Tripp need so much money to say them. You’re darn right Newt Gingrich is a lying, stinking, cheating methane producing poster boy for gluttony, but that’s not something I’d say. That’s something other people who are not James Tripp say about other people.
Newt wants to put a man on the moon? Somebody might say, “That’s a good place for him!” But I wouldn’t say that. I say, “Kudos to Newt for bringing the race of the races to space.” You’re darn right! We need to beat China to the moon before they build a wall around it!
I wouldn’t say anything bad about some of the other candidates who are in the race I’m not in, but somebody else would. If some other group wants to say that Romney’s not too bright, or that Gingrich is the closest this nation has come to running Jabba the Hutt for president, there’s nothing I can do about that.
It won’t be me bringing up Ron Paul’s racist past. I’m not the sort of person who would wish that when Rick Santorum was born again, he was born somewhere else.
This is not a time for candidates to be saying anything. This is a time for people who are not affiliated with the candidates to be saying things about people who aren’t affiliated to other people saying things!
Friday, January 27, 2012
"Comedy Nation This Week" - January 27, 2012
Here's today's episode of "Comedy Nation This Week" with me, Laurie Buckley, and host Bill Bronner:
The Panel Discusses the State of the Union, the GOP Florida debates and more.
Trippitorial: Class Warfare
When Rick Perry pulled out
of the Republican race, I expected him to endorse me, but instead he endorsed a
Newt. I don’t blame him though. Newt probably yelled at him, and we know how
mean Newt can be. Maybe he thinks he can be Newt’s Vice
President. He could be the new Dan Quayle. Nobody’s would assassinate Newt Gingrich
if Rick Perry was the Vice President.
Jon Huntsman was poised to
endorse me, but obviously somebody got to him and he ended up endorsing twit Romney.
It’s almost like they don’t even want to acknowledge I’m in this race even
though I’m not.
And then Huntsman accused ex-president Barack Obama (if I
get in this race) of provoking class warfare. The only thing Jon Huntsman
provoked was James Tripp, even if I’m not running.
Who is causing class
warfare? The people eliminating the middle class. It’s not the people being
eliminated. Shut your pie hole! It’s like Newt Gingrich blaming me for him
eating too many Twinkies! Shut your pie hole, Newt and you won’t get so fat! If
you’re not a poster boy for gluttony, then you’re probably a poster boy for
something else that may explode at any minute from a continual internal
combustion of bile.
The class who benefit by
exploiting another class doesn’t want it pointed out. They’d make it illegal to
discuss if they could get away with it. They’d call it sedition, or some word
like that that fat people say to keep skinny people from eating the food.
But I digress, and it’s a
good thing too. The upper class accuses the lower class of fomenting a class
war to silence them. The rich foment a class war by hoarding all the wealth. If
the poor foment anything it won’t be a war, it will be a revolution. Wars are
for the rich. You need uniforms. The poor can’t afford uniforms! They’re lucky
to have shoes!
So shut up about a class
war, because if you want a class war, you’ll get a class war. At least that’s
what Rambo said…I think.
Be careful what rhetoric you
pursue, you may not like where it takes you, you silly primary Republicans! Put
that in your twitter and tweet it!
I’m James Tripp and I’ll be back next week with another Trippitorial!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)