Friday, March 09, 2012

"Comedy Nation This Week" - March 9, 2012

Here's today's podcast with me, Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett and host Bill Bronner:

The Panel discuss Super Tuesday, Religion in Politics and Brietbart's last release.

Trippitorial - Religion in Politics

I am tired of seeing religion in politics and I’m not too crazy about it in churches. Ever since our money was converted to God in the 1950’s, I haven’t trusted in the government and I never really trusted in money.

During the 1950’s a new translation of E Pluribus Unum was apparently adopted by the brave politicians of that time: “Out of many Gods, one,” a Christian God. I wasn’t alive in the 1950’s, but thanks to a prohibition on birth control, it wasn’t long before I would be. Shortly after I was born a prohibition ensued in my family, but that’s another story, and one I don’t take personally.

Up until the 1950’s, America had managed to keep religion out of the national motto. Although, “George Washington, Son of God.” Was rejected by John Adams in favor of “his Majesty the President,” which I wasn’t too crazy about, but that’s another story.

Apparently, during the 1950’s, the founding fathers were born again, not unlike the way dead victims of the Holocaust were reborn as “Latter Day Saints.” I was born again. Now my mother really hates me.

Don’t get me wrong. I love Jesus. Why, when I was a boy, I had one of those Jesus Christ plush toys, you know, the kind that sticks to the inside of your car window with suction cups.

One thing the field of Republicans can agree on is that they all love Jesus and they love him more than Obama loves Jesus, and he may be a Muslim anyway. But while they’re all worshipping Jesus, they’re all worshipping a different Jesus.

Newt Gingrich is worshipping the “Sick, heal thyself Jesus.” This is a Jesus you don’t hear a lot about.

Rick Santorum is worshipping the Calvin and Hobbes Jesus. Rick talks to Jesus and Jesus talks back. “I’m over here Rick. No, I’m over here. I’m over here. Jesus is everywhere!”

Mitt Romney’s Jesus was born in America. He was the first and greatest American.

Ron Paul’s Jesus is an expletive when he thinks about the other candidates in the GOP race.
They’re all worshipping different Gods too. I have to wonder about Rick Santorum’s God. What God would want Rick Santorum to worship him? Not me. That guy is not all there. I think the doctor dropped Rick Santorum on his head during his circumcision.

I don’t know what God Newt is following, but he seems to be having fun. I’ll bet it’s Bacchus. “Lovey, I think I’ll have another glass of wine.”

Mitt is following a bunch of different Gods, or one God who changes his mind a lot.

I don’t know if Ron Paul has a God, but chances are if he does, his God would eliminate religion from the federal government. I don’t think he would trust it on our money. I don’t think he trusts our money either---well, it’s the Federal Reserve’s money. Let’s face it. And I don’t trust them.

No comments: