Friday, April 13, 2012

"Comedy Nation This Week" - April 13, 2012

Here's today's podcast with panelists Laurie Buckley, Dave Plunkett, James Tripp and host Bill Bronner:

Panelists discuss the 2012 election, ALEC, the War on Women, and Communists!

Trippitorial - The War on Women

Men bother me. If I’ve learned anything from women, it’s that men are pigs, especially when they hold erected office.

Why do some men want to tell all women what to do with their bodies, especially when these are the very men that most women don’t want anywhere near their bodies? Most of these men wouldn’t know what to do with a woman’s body. They don’t even know how to touch themselves, which would be a sin in their church if they did, especially if they did it in their church.

A man telling a woman what to do with her body is like a priest giving marriage counseling. Those who can’t do, preach.

It’s always stupid people who think they’re smarter than everyone else. These people think they know better than you do what you should do. It’s people who do what they’re told to do that want to tell you what to do. “I’m doing what I was told to do! You should too!”

These are the types of people who, when they were kids, ran home screaming and crying, “Mommy, he’s not following the rules!” That’s because he’s not a sucker. They’re not his rules. They’re not even your rules. They’re somebody else’s rules written to control you and you’re letting them control you. Sucker. And now you want to write some rules to control somebody else, you big bully!

I have nothing against the religion that most of these erected politicians follow except that most of them follow the religion. I’m not a big fan of followers. Religions are usually misogynistic with sex laws that are thousands of years old that pre-date birth control and feminism. Religious rules want to lock you into a marriage and they want you to have as many kids as you can to make the religion bigger.

If that’s what you want to do, that’s what you should do. If you don’t want to drink or smoke or have sex, that’s great, don’t. Me, I’m gonna do all those things. In fact, I’m probably going to do all those things with your daughter.

But that’s not the point I’m trying to make.  The point I’m trying to make is that just because the Declaration of Independence says, “All men are created equal,” it doesn’t mean these erected politicians should get cocky.

Anyway, the Declaration of Independence was written on hemp and that can’t be good. And most of these suckers never read it anyway. Another document most of them never read that was also written on hemp is the Constitution, the blunt that can be amended.

Remember the Equal Rights Amendment? Remember how it almost passed? They did a pretty good job defeating it when there was no internet or social media, but how do you think they’d fair today if women made passage of an Equal Rights Amendment part of the 2012 election? I think it’s a war they would lose.

Of course, women shouldn’t take this war too personally. These same pricks also want to tell men what they can do with their bodies. “Don’t smoke this, and don’t drink that and why would you want to put a needle in your arm?” Well, why wouldn’t you want to put a needle in your arm? Maybe I’m getting off the point.

Here’s a good thing to consider if you ever find yourself in a state house or Congress: if you don’t have a uterus, you don’t get to make laws about them.

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