Trippitorial - The Democratic Convention

Well, the Democratic convention is over, and they win. And while President Obama didn’t sing, like I was hoping he would, he didn’t have to. The DNC had a much better talent booker than the RNC. Hollywood was in the DNC house! Why couldn't my agent get me a gig as a DNC delegate? I think most of the delegates there were probably represented by Rahm Emanuel's brother, the Hollywood agent. Not me. Scarlet Johansson made a speech. I'd listen to her even if she was just talking to an empty chair.

The Democrats had some top acts. The Republicans couldn’t even license music. The artists didn’t want royalties from royalists. The best the Republicans could do was hire G.E. Smith and his cover band, which was good because they needed the work. There aren’t too many high school mixers when school is out. Listening to the Republican convention was like listening to a YouTube video where the original music was removed because of copyright violation and replaced by something in the public domain. Even Chris Christie’s favorite singer. Bruce Springsteen was heard at the DNC, but not at the RNC. They did have Clint Eastwood, who I’m sure, during president Obama’s acceptance speech, was yelling at his television.

One thing was the same about both conventions. The chants of “USA! USA!” Apparently the Democrats were in the same place as the Republicans. Overall, I’d say the Democratic convention was inspirational and the Republican convention was full of doom and gloom, which, incidentally, is my name for Romney and Ryan. The DNC looked like America in 2012. The RNC looked like the USA in 1950.

The Republicans seemed like the party of yesterday, it was your grandfather’s party. “Shove it up your ass.” Oh sure, sometimes he says crazy things, but that’s grandpa, he doesn’t know any better. The DNC had more statesmen than RNC.

There were a lot of women on the DNC stage and I don’t think any of them will vote for Mitt Romney even though Ann Romney loves women. Some of those union thug teachers were represented at the DNC. The Vice President’s wife, Dr. Jill Biden, is a teacher, although I got the feeling if she had been my teacher, she would have given me detention.

The DNC seemed more serious about education. Republicans think people should be educated, but they shouldn't be so educated that they vote for Democrats.

There was a film about senator Ted Kennedy, and by the time it was over, you wanted to vote for him. And why not? If the RNC is registering dead voters, the DNC should run dead candidates. I’ll bet he’d win. Ted Kennedy for Zombie President! I’m glad I didn't play the Kennedy drinking game. There’s more now than ever! They kept popping up everywhere. They’re like Tribbles!

The GOP didn’t seem to want to talk about their living ex-Presidents, or their candidate for that matter, but the DNC had a major speech by former president Bill Clinton. He wanted to talk about arithmetic, which I was prepared for because I had just sharpened a number 2 pencil. Clinton looked like he was having fun. For a minute, I thought he was going to announce he was running. The crowd was shouting "four more years" for whom?

The DNC speakers weren't afraid to talk about their candidate. I'm not sure if most of the speakers at the RNC knew who their candidate was. It seemed like some of them were running for 2016. I won’t vote for them then either. I’ll probably be running myself. And I’ll ask, "Are you better off now than you will be in four years?"

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