Trippitorial - The Democratic Convention

Well, the Democratic convention is over, and they win. And while President Obama didn’t sing, like I was hoping he would, he didn’t have to. The DNC had a much better talent booker than the RNC. Hollywood was in the DNC house! Why couldn't my agent get me a gig as a DNC delegate? I think most of the delegates there were probably represented by Rahm Emanuel's brother, the Hollywood agent. Not me. Scarlet Johansson made a speech. I'd listen to her even if she was just talking to an empty chair.

The Democrats had some top acts. The Republicans couldn’t even license music. The artists didn’t want royalties from royalists. The best the Republicans could do was hire G.E. Smith and his cover band, which was good because they needed the work. There aren’t too many high school mixers when school is out. Listening to the Republican convention was like listening to a YouTube video where the original music was removed because of copyright violation and replaced by something in the public domain. Even Chris Christie’s favorite singer. Bruce Springsteen was heard at the DNC, but not at the RNC. They did have Clint Eastwood, who I’m sure, during president Obama’s acceptance speech, was yelling at his television.

One thing was the same about both conventions. The chants of “USA! USA!” Apparently the Democrats were in the same place as the Republicans. Overall, I’d say the Democratic convention was inspirational and the Republican convention was full of doom and gloom, which, incidentally, is my name for Romney and Ryan. The DNC looked like America in 2012. The RNC looked like the USA in 1950.

The Republicans seemed like the party of yesterday, it was your grandfather’s party. “Shove it up your ass.” Oh sure, sometimes he says crazy things, but that’s grandpa, he doesn’t know any better. The DNC had more statesmen than RNC.

There were a lot of women on the DNC stage and I don’t think any of them will vote for Mitt Romney even though Ann Romney loves women. Some of those union thug teachers were represented at the DNC. The Vice President’s wife, Dr. Jill Biden, is a teacher, although I got the feeling if she had been my teacher, she would have given me detention.

The DNC seemed more serious about education. Republicans think people should be educated, but they shouldn't be so educated that they vote for Democrats.

There was a film about senator Ted Kennedy, and by the time it was over, you wanted to vote for him. And why not? If the RNC is registering dead voters, the DNC should run dead candidates. I’ll bet he’d win. Ted Kennedy for Zombie President! I’m glad I didn't play the Kennedy drinking game. There’s more now than ever! They kept popping up everywhere. They’re like Tribbles!

The GOP didn’t seem to want to talk about their living ex-Presidents, or their candidate for that matter, but the DNC had a major speech by former president Bill Clinton. He wanted to talk about arithmetic, which I was prepared for because I had just sharpened a number 2 pencil. Clinton looked like he was having fun. For a minute, I thought he was going to announce he was running. The crowd was shouting "four more years" for whom?

The DNC speakers weren't afraid to talk about their candidate. I'm not sure if most of the speakers at the RNC knew who their candidate was. It seemed like some of them were running for 2016. I won’t vote for them then either. I’ll probably be running myself. And I’ll ask, "Are you better off now than you will be in four years?"

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Trippitorial - "The Republican Convention"

As I film this Trippitorial, Clint Eastwood is sitting next to me in a chair. And he doesn’t like many takes, even though this is one of my longer Trippitorials. A hologram of John Wayne will drop by later to promo the Bluray release of Green Berets.

A lot of people thought a hologram of Ronald Reagan might show up at the Republican convention. Interestingly, Ronald Reagan’s hologram couldn't remember selling arms to Iran to pay for arms for the Contras. Ronald Reagan’s hologram didn’t appear because it’s still only 2-dimensional.

With all the film and references to Ronald Reagan at the convention, I thought he was running again. But no, it’s Mitt Romney. Magic underwear for everyone!

I think the overall theme of the Republican convention was, "My betters deserve better!" And, by God, they do. The first night they tried to strike a theme of “We built this,” but it turns out they used factories in China.

We have nothing to fear from this Republican Party except allowing them to finally succeed in dismantling the New Deal. It will be a day of infamy.

There were a lot of chants of U.S.A., which was helpful, because I think a lot of the delegates forgot where they were, besides Clint Eastwood.

There weren’t enough flags at the convention.  I almost forgot the Republicans were Americans. More flags, Damnit! Of course, I’m kidding. There were so many flags on display; I began to wonder if they were magic flags! Oh, sure, the Democrats have flags, but Republican flags have more red, white, and blue in them. Of course, they are made in Korea.

There were so many promotional films about Bain Capital. I was expecting a call for a shareholder's vote.

A lot of minorities were in the show, but don’t worry, they all had their papers.

Scott Walker was there to represent the younger, dumber wing of the party.

Paul Ryan made a nifty speech. Of course, he told so many lies, when it was over his mother washed out his mouth with soap. It was Ivory soap, though, so it was 99% pure. Some men see things that are and ask, "Why?" Paul Ryan sees things that never were and says, "Why not say they are?"

Ann Romney opened her spot with a prayer for property. God bless you Ann Romney! And God bless all your houses and cars and boats and horses and…well, you get the idea…God.

Ann Romney said she loves women, but not so much that it would be interesting. She also said something along the lines of "There would not be Americans without America!” That’s going right in my president act.

Chris Christie was a little scary. Apparently his mother read him the Prince instead of the Little Prince. “It is better to be fat than to be loved.” Christie wants to fundamentally reduce the size of government. First, he should reduce his size. Gluttons should not preach about gluttony.

Rand Paul got a spot for some reason and told the story of the Tang family, which didn’t surprise me because "the Pootie Tang Family" was a very underrated movie. If rand Paul is the future of the Republican Party, thanks for the memories.

I don’t mind telling you when they played the theme from Top Gun to introduce John McCain, I was afraid he was going to jump.

A common theme of several speakers was that Romney made his money the old fashioned way. He pillaged it. Someone pointed out that Mitt Romney didn't take a salary when he was Governor of Massachusetts. Of course, he would have needed a stateside bank account to cash the check.

The Republicans are out of touch. One of the speakers said that the poor “don't know what it's like to risk money..." because they don't have any. Get it? Stupid Republican.

Jeb Bush pitted teacher’s unions against kids, painting teachers as villains for wanting to earn a living wage. Republicans love kids unless they grow up to be teachers. The Republicans don’t like unions. “If workers didn't want to be paid, there'd be more jobs in America!"

Mitt Romney said if you vote for him, he’ll create about 12 million new jobs. Vote for me. I have a plan to create about a gazillion new jobs. Also, I can name, in Congress, 87 card carrying members of the communist party. If I am elected I will create new opportunities for creators of job creators.

One thing I noticed about the musical acts, the Republicans couldn’t attract any good headliners. The Democrats have the Foo Fighters and who knows who else. I wouldn’t book G. E. Smith and his band for a high school mixer.

One of the biggest applause votes of the three days was for a .357 magnum. For a minute I thought they would nominate it in the first ballot! It could have run with the chair.

 
There was a lot of God at this year’s convention. One of the speakers said, "God doesn't like government." Must be why he doesn't pay any taxes. Were they voting for Mitt Romney or Missouri Jesus? God bless God. Too many "God bless yous" at the Republican convention and not enough sneezing.
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Live Tweets From The GOP Convention - Night 3

7:19 am PST James Tripp ‏@thejamestripp

#RonaldReaganhologram can't remember selling arms to Iran to pay for arms for #Contras.

7:48 am PST James Tripp ‏@thejamestripp

#RonaldReaganhologram is still only 2-dimensional.

9:10 am PST James Tripp ‏@thejamestripp

Some men see things that are and ask, "Why?" #PaulRyan sees things that never were and says, "Why not say they are?"

4:29 pm PST James Tripp ‏@thejamestripp

will be appearing as a hologram with Clint Eastwood at the Republican convention.

#JohnBoehner's orange face goes well with the red background.

I haven't been this excited since I wasn't.

Is #RonaldReagan running again?

#Newt looks like he's auditioning for a morning talk show with his wife. I'd pass.

Couldn't they get two microphones?

#Newt should die his hair like #RonaldReagan.

4:58 pm PST James Tripp ‏@thejamestripp

Somebody figured out America isn't all old white men.

#GOP will put Latinos on the road going South.

#Obama is brushing up on his Spanish.

#Unions vs. Kids? Come on! #JebBush

#God bless God.

"Friends don't let friends drive drunk, so pick me up at the airport."

5:35 pm PST James Tripp ‏@thejamestripp

If I didn't think #MittRomney's religion was creepy before...

He avoided the draft by going on a mission...

Did this fire fighter belong to a union?

What was #MittRomney's executor's fee?

#God passes "Blessing Baton" to #MittRomney.

I don't feel so good myself. Bring flowers.

Marconi plays the mamba. #Webuiltthiscity on government roads.

6:05 pm James Tripp ‏@thejamestripp

I don't get it.

"They don't know what it's like to risk money..." because they don't have any. Get it?

Will there be a shareholder's vote after the film?

Drug Money.

"Where else but in America could you live in this country?"

#MittRomney didn't take a salary because he would have needed a stateside bank account to cash the check.

Is this #AmericanIdol?

Is it too late to vote him off?

#MittRomney is an Olympian God!

It was a #MagicFlag made of #MagicUnderwear.

What's this song about? #America

7:03 pm PST James Tripp ‏@thejamestripp

 I want the #GESmith band for my high school mixer.

I think #ClintEastwood is losing the debate.

"Get off my White House lawn!" #ClintEastwood

#JohnWayne hologram will speak next to promo #BluRay release of #GreenBerets.

#Obama is sitting next to me in a chair.

It's always helpful when they remind me where I am. #USA

"My betters deserve better!" #MittRomney

Keep them doggies movin' Rawhide! Don't try to understand 'em Just rope and throw and grab 'em Soon we'll be living high and wide. #GOP2012

7:58 pm PST James Tripp ‏@thejamestripp

I attack your success, #MittRomney!

"Vote for me! I have a plan to create about a gazillion new jobs." #JamesTrippforPresident

"If I am elected I will create new opportunities for creators of job creators." #JamesTrippforPresident

#Castro's Cuba---Drat! #MittRomney

8:15 pm PST James Tripp ‏@thejamestripp

Too many "God Bless Yous" tonight and not enough sneezing.

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James Tripp For President's Day

Who Mourns for the Insurance Industry?

As Congress prepares to overhaul the U.S. health care system, I am really worried about the insurance companies. Who’s looking out for them? What about their health? All anybody in Washington cares about is the individual. Who cares about the corporation? I do. That’s who.

Right now I don’t have health insurance, but I don’t deserve it. I don’t want it. Health coverage is for the weak. It sounds French: “Le coverage de health!”

I don’t need a health care system that works. I’m an American! So we have a shorter life expectancy than most other industrialized nations---it goes along with my motto: “Live fast, die young and leave a good looking corpse…riddled with cancer.”

This health care overhaul really scares me. I’m scared. I’m scared that a doctor will be making medical decisions about my treatment instead of an insurance company. That’s socialism!

You know what really scares me? Do you know what gives me nightmares that keep me from sleeping? Worrying that Congress will have to use whatever coverage is approved for voters instead of that great private option they have now. The public option is for the public. If it was for Congress, it’d be called “the Congress option.”

Members of Congress deserve better coverage than the people who vote for them. They can’t reform health care if they’re sick, or if their coverage gets a socialist disease. It’d be un-American.

There’s nothing wrong with our health care system. It’s like my doctor said when I was still insured and went in for my annual physical: “What are you doing here? I just saw you last year.”

A lot of people think that the system we have now can’t be saved. They say that greed is a pre-existing condition. That’s a lot of left wing socialist propaganda! They don’t care about the insurance companies. But you know who does care? James Tripp, that’s who.

But I’m just one guy. I wish there was some group that could represent the insurance industry. And what about the poor pharmaceutical industry? They’re under a lot of stress lately. They’ve started to take their own drugs!

I just wish someone could speak for them. I say let it be James Tripp!

Wherever there’s a fight, so sick people can be denied coverage, I’ll be there. Wherever there’s a politician who wants to shorten the length of a protected patent to create a generic drug to save lives, I’ll be there. I’ll be in the way any government plan denies the reproductive rights of women. I’ll be in the way any final legislation will make it illegal to use the bargaining power of any government plan to negotiate lower drug prices.

And when people try growing marijuana for medicinal uses, I’ll be there! I’ll be in the way bullies yell at old people to scare them. I’ll be in the way kids laugh when town hall meetings get interrupted by victims of a diminishing gene pool. Wherever there’s anybody fighting a denial of coverage, I’ll be there! And when people are dying because they have no health insurance, I’ll be there too!

"The DAMage Report" - April 17, 2009

I was on "The DAMage Report" again yesterday. Here it is:

The DAMage Report with guest James Tripp

From the Archives: 1983 Stonehill College Commencement Speech - "The Unreasonable Man"

The last time I felt like this was the first day of my freshman year. My father parked his car in the circle in front of O'Hara Hall. My hand paused next to the door handle in that moment, unsure whether I should get out, and do all which that implied, or stay in the car and go home. It would have been easy to stay in that car, and I probably would have saved a dollar or two, but I opened the door on a venture that lasted four years.

Today I find myself gripped to that same door handle. And I am older now, and I cannot stay in the car. The time has come for me to quit my father's car.

It is natural for one so young to look forward, grasping the future with an innocent hand, but I would prefer to look backward, regarding the past as I would a saged learner, as a tool to see into my own nature, and the nature of all men and women.

I came to Stonehill a bit naive. I saw truth in all things, but someone was trying to hide it from me. There was a discrepancy between what I believed to be the natural state and the actual state. There were too many rules.

George Bernard Shaw once said that "The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man." I became unreasonable.

I became an "angry young man," disagreeing with almost any rule that might be arbitrarily imposed on me. Rules absorb truth. Truth is freedom. I was not free.

I spent a good deal of my freshman year banging my head against the wall, running off at the mouth, expecting answers without asking questions and receiving none. In my sophomore and junior years, practical action replaced talking. Previously, I had been involved in the shadows of student government. In my second and third years at Stonehill, I ran for student government president, losing both times.

In those same two years, I saw the way the game is played, and in my youth, I tried to change it. I was seeking freedom by altaring the rules.

My senior year has come and passed quickly. I haven't been very involved in Stonehill this year. I worked in the public affairs office writing nice things about the college. I lived with eleven fellow students in Manchester House. We talked.

In my senior year at Stonehill, I left the stage of action and went back to talking. I was wrong to think that what I wanted could be won by altaring the rules.

This year has been reflective. I appreciate the value of the academic experience. It tuned me like a fine engine. I affirm the importance of a balance between the professional and personal life. I fought for that in my sophomore year. I see the rules that I have fought so hard against as self-imposed. Every man and woman is as free as he or she chooses to be. Even at Stonehill, with all of its regulations, it is possible to be free. I am free. Stonehill is the foundation upon which to base an autonomous life. All of the structures of world order are here. We can see through them and be free.

Freedom does not lie in any parent’s rule. Freedom does not lie in any institutions rule. It does not exist under any government's rule. Freedom exists under one's own rule.

Freedom is not tangible. It does not exist in a schoolbook. It is not in any government document. It is not written in any bill of rights. Freedom is truth. It comes from within. It is not granted by any outside order.

There are free men and women in America. There are free men and women in the Soviet Union. Freedom exists in third world countries. Freedom exists wherever people are strong enough to see truth and say, "I am free."

Sovereignty is not gained by changing any earthly order. All orders are the same. All governments are the same. Some may seem to give freedom, and others may seem to limit freedom, but liberty cannot be granted by any government. Governments issue their own truths and thus limit freedom. Freedom comes to those who see it. Men on death row, behind prison walls, can be free.

As we grow older, we become caricatures of ourselves. We develop a philosophy and risk drowning in it, becoming increasingly narrow-minded. Let us hope that the young model upon which we base our life is free, for if it is not, we become prisoners in a deliberate world of imposed order which we allow to rule our sacred lives. We live in a time when we must be increasingly willing to take control. Our leadership has driven us to an age of destruction. We can die at the touch of a button.

Today I am leaving this campus. I may never return, although I probably will. I cannot leave what we lived here. I may never see things as clearly as when I saw things here. I will walk away, I will abandon my father's car, thanking him for driving me this far, and I will never forget what I saw here.

I leave Stonehill with a keener understanding of truth. I lost my innocence, and I regained it here. I still see the way I always do and now I know the rules.
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Free Speech Show - "Campaign Promises"

James Tripp, Bill Bronner, Gary Gordon and Sandie Richards discuss "campaign promises."

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I Disapprove of This Ad

Tripp Comments on Colbert

Comedian and Presidential candidate James Tripp today issued his first statement since Stephen Colbert entered the race for President.

“I’m glad to see another serious journalist enter this contest,” said Tripp. “Now maybe this campaign can be about something that nobody ever talks about and I’m certainly not.”

Tripp asserted that he was not afraid of the competition. “I think we’re going to run a close race with Mr. Colbert in South Carolina,” said Tripp, “but we plan on beating him everywhere else.”

The comedian and Presidential candidate denied that he had any prior knowledge that Mr. Colbert would make his announcement. “I only wish I did,” said Tripp. “I could have announced that he was going to announce that he would make an announcement about an announcement he would be making.”

James Tripp Will Be A Candidate For United States President

A Very Special Announcement

“Previously I issued a statement that I would not be making an announcement about making an announcement which was not an announcement,” said possible Presidential candidate and comedian James Tripp. “Today I can announce that I will be making an announcement about making an announcement which will be an announcement.”

Sources close to Tripp reported that the potential candidate today taped a very special segment of The Ointment, an internet talk and news show parody in which he will announce his candidacy.

The date the show will air was not immediately released.

James Tripp To Explore Exploring

Comedian James Tripp, who ran for President of the United States in 2000 and 2004, today announced the formation of an exploratory committee to investigate whether or not he should form an exploratory committee to study the feasibility of forming an exploratory committee.

“We have to explore what it is we should be exploring before we explore anything,” said Tripp. “It may necessitate the formation of a new committee to determine if we need to form a new committee.”

Tripp asserted that the existence of myspace.com/jamestrippforpresident did not necessarily indicate that he was already running. It is, according to Tripp, “a happy coincidence.” Said Tripp, “MySpace is free. When we set up a page that we’re paying for, then it will become more serious.” An unconfirmed source reported that Americans for James Tripp will set up a new site this Tuesday.

“We have explored exploring the exploration of an exploratory committee in the past and every time our exploration has yielded results which led to the formation of an exploratory committee,” said Tripp.